Toxic bedfellows
In The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, Julia Cameron describes “poisonous playmates” as people who can “capsize an artist’s growth.”
Cameron highlights people whose creativity is still blocked as being particularly bad for one’s creative recovery. But really, Cameron’s advice applies not only to the creative path, but also to all areas of life where one encounters resistance from those who, either deliberately, or unconsciously, sabotage your progress.
Why they do it
Cameron gives the following suggestions as to why poisonous playmates may be unsupportive:
- Blocked friends may find your recovery disturbing. Your getting unblocked raises the unsettling possibility that they, too, could become unblocked and move into authentic creative risks rather than bench-sitting cynicism.
Perhaps they still get an anorectic high from the martyrdom of being blocked or they still collect sympathy and wallow in self-pity.
Perhaps they still feel smug thinking about how much more creative they could be than those who are out there doing it.
Whatever their reasons, poisonous playmates are not in a position to offer support:
Do not expect your blocked friends to applaud your recovery. That’s like expecting your best friends from the bar to celebrate your sobriety. How can they when their own drinking is something they want to hold on to?
What you can do
These behaviours are detrimental to your progress and well-being and Cameron offers some suggestions on how you might cope:
Deal with doubt
Be alert to subtle sabotage from friends. You cannot afford their well-meaning doubts right now. Their doubts will reactivate your own.
Do not let their fears and second thoughts derail you.
Do not let friends squander your time.
Give yourself the gift of faith. Trust that you are on the right track. You are.
You will be led to new sources of support as you begin to support yourself.
Ruthlessly protect your creative boundaries
Cameron encourages us to be:
very careful to safeguard your newly recovering artist. Often, creativity is blocked by our falling in with other people’s plans for us. We want to set aside time for our creative work, but we feel we should do something else instead. As blocked creatives, we focus not on our responsibilities to ourselves, but on our responsibilities to others. We tend to think such behavior makes us good people. It doesn’t. It makes us frustrated people.
Be gentle but firm, and hang tough.
Nurture yourself
The essential element in nurturing our creativity lies in nurturing ourselves. Through self-nurturance we nurture our inner connection to the Great Creator. Through this connection our creativity will unfold. Paths will appear for us. We need to trust the Great Creator and move out in faith.
Beware of guilt and other manipulation
Blocked creatives are easily manipulated by guilt. Our friends, feeling abandoned by our departure from the ranks of the blocked, may unconsciously try to guilt-trip us into giving up our newly healthy habits.
Be particularly alert to any suggestion that you have become selfish or different. (These are red-alert words for us. They are attempts to leverage us back into our old ways for the sake of someone else’s comfort, not our own.)
If all else fails, bail
There’s nothing wrong with disengaging from toxicity that is harmful to your creativity and well-being. If things get really bad, remember that conscious uncoupling is also an option.